Chapter Ten: A Glaring Weakness

Aaron took on the role of an accountant for his mother when she decided she was going to make a great investment into the stock market, convinced by a gentlemen this restaurant chain who was actually going under and by the time her son, Aaron found out about it, it was a tad bit too late and she lost all of her investments. This is when Aaron decided to step in and manage her accounts and she agreed and promised him to make no further investments without his consent. She kept her word for the remainder of her life. She trusted her son and never had to question him because he always kept her updated and informed of her account history. In another occasion while they had gone to Texas for a funeral, Aarons mother apparently had made a large purchase and her son Aaron had to remind her that she cannot afford to be spending her money at such large quantities and then led to her next promise of never to spend over her $100 limit without the consent of her son. He didn’t like this role because he felt like he would be the bad guy if he said no to her wishes on things she wanted to buy, but for the most part she always kept within means. With given time Aaron’s mother began to have blurred vision for a short while and came to a realization that this was the beginning to the decline of her health. Aaron being the good son that he was sat down with his mother before she signed the paperwork to her new condominium when she made the move to Orlando to make her understand that she had to be very cautious of her spending because her resources were very limited but he wanted her to understand they would be there for her every step of the way. She was just simply excited to see how far along she had survived in life and went forth with the signature, looking forward to her new beginning till her end.

Chapter Five: Dying And Death

Three months left to Aaron’s mother life she no longer had that light in her eye with the excitement she had to be filled with life. It’s almost as if she knew her days were coming to an end soon. She had fought trying to beat death and became a bitter woman as a result towards the end of her life. When the time came and she passed handling the estate wasn’t a problem for Aaron. His mother left all her possessions to his name but to be fair with his brothers he was equally fair and they all had their choice of what personal belonging they wanted in remembrance of their mother. When it came to the donation to the rest of her belongings Aaron shared the donation write off with his brothers and split the value of about $5,000 for what her belongings were worth. In chapter seven it discussed an interesting topic that I will fear as I get to that age one day and that is the driving privilege everyone will face one day. Aaron’s mother was not too convinced of the idea of turning in her keys to her son and losing that feeling of being independent. Until one day she got into small accident and it was enough to scare her in the fear of hurting another individual and accepted her dependency and if she ever needed anything her son or daughter in law or granddaughter would assist. Since she couldn’t manage with the reality of losing her independence to driving they hired a driver for her and paid $7 a day to take her around and take care of her necessities. She finally decided to make the move and relocate to Orlando, Florida for the remainder of her lifetime, she was pleased living in a senior citizen community in this city and was very loved by everyone in her community.

Chapter Three: How Does One Handle The Daunting Responsibilities Handed To Us?

The first recommendation Aaron suggests to be done when handling the responsibilities of a parent is to let the parent know you will not distance yourself from them as a person but you shall distance yourself emotionally from the suffering and pain, it is a form of balancing the two realities. In this section I learned about Aaron’s mother’s life and how she ended up living with him. With due time patience was the key to this journey in caring for his mother. His mother had been living in Miami working as a sales associate at Saks Fifth Avenue in Bal Harbor Mall and had injured her right leg leading her to quit and retire. She then moved to Chicago to live with her sister, whom was a widow but it wasn’t long before they realized their personalities was no match for one another and her sister ended up dismissing her from her own home six weeks later. Devastated she called Aarons wife to explain what had happened between her and her sister and with the heart of gold his wife had she took her in and Aaron was not going to have an opinion on that decision for he did not want to be blamed for the burden it may implement on their family for the following sixteen years to follow. As the years went by financially her two other sons always sent monthly checks to help with living costs of their mother, always kept in touch and always attempted to make trips to visit her whenever they could due to the fact that they lived in very distant states. As a result they benefitted from the fact that she gained a special place in her heart for Aaron’s children and was a caregiver for them as they grew up. His children grew very close to her and they became her favorite grandchildren, which in Aarons eyes was the best gift he could have given his children despite thinking otherwise years before.

Recommendation #8: Partition personal feelings from the distraction in ministering to the needs of a Senior Citizen

It is important to have an openly conversation with an elderly parent about their wishes on where they would want to be laid to rest and the messages they would like passed on to their loved ones. Aaron's mother at first was not too interested in this type of conversation but when she was ready and open to the suggestion she stressed how important it would be for her to be laid to rest next to her husband and her parents. Understanding the feelings of the aging parent can be challenging because the elderly parent has reached that stage where they are scared of death and trying to understand what the end of life in fact means.  Truth is no one knows what to experience beforehand but we shall all experience the greatest mystery of life after death one day. During the final stages of Aaron's mother’s life it was filled with expenses and taking steps such as enrolling in Medicare or Medicaid to help with the healthcare portion of expenses should be one of the first things done. When Aaron was selecting a residential facility of the elderly for his mother, he was sold on a specific facility based on the appearance and emphasizes on how that was a mistake on his behalf and how one should select the appropriate facility not based on the appearance but based on the care the staff will deliver to the elderly individual and observe the body language among the staff and the tone on how the residents are treated. From his personal appearance with his mother when she was transferred to the first facility she described the place to be “nasty” but when transferred to the second location the type of care was noticeable and apparent to him because the second facility was owned by the same organization. Aaron was not pleased with the type of care because his mother was not resumed on her meds to treat the chronic urinary tract infection she had for many years. Unfortunately when this transfer was done to the second facility the urinary tract infection began to affect other body systems and her behavior worsened which led to an increase to her decline in life. When his mother passed Aaron went to go speak to the director of the facility to express his feelings but to only be disgusted with the way he was treated and promised himself to never set foot in any of their facilities ever again.

Chapter Two: Some Lessons Learned In Dealing With An Aging Parent

This chapter was very interesting in the perspective of "recommendations" the author, Aaron advises when caring for an elderly parent like he did for his mother. The Do's and Don’ts and how to put yourself in the elderly parents shoes and have a closer look at what they may be feeling and a better understanding towards why they feel the way they do and why they do the things they do. For example, the feeling of frustration and fear due to the fact of simply aging, it is an inevitable stage in life. It’s all about patience and I have come to that understanding within this chapter. Dealing with an elderly parent is not always the easiest task and I personally am living this same exact example. My whole life we have lived with my grandmother (my mother's mother) and sometimes it’s like having another child in the home. In this chapter the author discusses how they were able to afford Adeline, a caregiver to take additional care of his mother. It is a great thing to provide but not everyone is fortunate to do the same and it can cause a strain on the individual taking all the load and full responsibility of their parent. Adeline’s presence in Aaron’s mother’s life was very beneficial to her and gave her a better quality of life towards the end. Even though Aarons mother was at first, stubborn about the idea having Adeline present daily in their home it ended up in her gaining a best friend and beneficial in providing her with emotional and psychological help. She had someone to talk to and a companion to do all the things she desired to accomplish. In Aaron’s recommendations on how to handle an elderly parent he stated about learning how to respond to his mother when at times you don’t know what the correct thing to say would be, sometimes it’s just best to let them feel like they still have control over themselves and the situation which results in a positive form of therapy for the individual. He also stated how great it is to let your parent just express themselves and share memories and stories they have to offer about their past, it helps with stimulating the brain and giving importance to the individual. It is clear this is not the easiest task at hand but with a few tips the stress can be handled in having a pleasant journey with an elderly parent.